InsaneJournal

I feel as though I should say something profound here, but I'm not exactly the profound type. A lot has changed over the last year, myself included, changes both for the better and for the worse. But in the end, both have to be accepted as they come and dealt with in their own due course.

The only resolution I've made is to stop getting lost in my own world. I don't know how well I'm going to do at accomplishing it, but it's a step forward, at least.

Getting a finger in the post was not exactly the way I had anticipated heralding in the new year. We all celebrated, but there was a clear undercurrent of celebrating to the whole thing, as if it was being done mostly because it was supposed to. I want to be happy. I want them all to be happy. But there is a point where we're going to have to admit that in the end, it's all futility. We're fighting an uphill battle against an army with the better defensive position.

Sometimes I think it would be better for us to try and work out some sort of compromise so that we don't end up losing all of our liberties when this thing implodes, and we end up in a less than ideal position than we already are. But nobody would do that. Nobody would be willing to do that, either side. A compromise would mean us admitting defeat and them admitting that they aren't willing to go the extra step that it takes to achieve eradication. And that clearly isn't the case.

Sirius is already dead. I hate thinking like that, but... I can't help it. He's dead the second that there is an opening for them to get at him. Hell, they might not even try and be subtle about it. The law needs evidence, after all, and the way that things have been going... He's already dead, and I feels as though I should just mourn him now and get it over with. I don't see how any of us are going to survive this if we keep doing things the way that we are now. There's no way.

I don't want to die.