InsaneJournal

I don't even know how to write down my thoughts anymore. They're all so jumbled that I'm left wondering if I really think what I think I think anymore. God, that was a sentence. It's the sort of thing that I really shouldn't have to write. April Fool's Day was good. It was simple. I wish I were so easy to go back to thinking like that all of the time, where a simple prank is all that is really needed to get back at everyone instead of having to wage full scale battles. Full scale battles that we tend to lose or manage to survive by the skin of our teeth. I don't think I was as settled on the fact that we're all going to die as I hoped that I was. Part of me still wants to fight it with everything that I have. I guess I should blame the Gryffindor in me.

I need to learn how to just give up.

And I put all of these thoughts behind privacy wards for a reason. If any of the guys knew that I was thinking this way, I'd probably be strung up in a second. We have a cause. We have a cause that we have to fight for, or we really are dead. You've already given up on us, Peter. You've already given up, so how do we know that we can trust you to support us when we find ourselves in a jam. How do we know that you're not just going to turn tail and run?

Because I don't want them dead. I don't want anyone dead.

But that's too much to hope for anymore.