Peter "so fucking done" Pettigrew

I have to go home. I have to-- Dad didn't make it. He was We It was my fault. I have to go make sure Mum is all right. I have to. You know where I'll be if you need me.

It's my fault. If I hadn't been there, he wouldn't be dead. He saw me. He saw me. That's the only thing that would have distracted him enough to... For... It's the only thing. It's my fault. Oh, god. How am I going to look Mum in the eye? It's my fault.

I know you were probably just trying to help her in your own way, Dorky, but please... Don't get yourself killed.

I've been thinking about going back to my own place. I know it probably isn't the safest thing that I can do, and the timing could definitely be better. But out of all of us here, I'm the one that seems to be flying underneath the radar.

I don't feel that staying here is putting me in anymore danger than staying anywhere else would so don't take it like that. I just feel that one of us has to be out in midst of things, less isolated in order to observe what's happening. And since I don't seem to have a target painted on my back, it makes sense for me to be the one to do that.

Plus, it's a bit difficult to bring a girl back to a place that's warded to the teeth.

Not that is one of the reasons that I'm doing this, but it was certainly at the back of my mind.

You're staying with Meaghan, right? Do you think that you could talk to her about her attitude, please?

Inviting you over to dinner isn't something that fathers do just before they slaughter you, is it?

If someone casts a Priori Incantato on their wand and the image that is shown is a person, is there any spell that it could be...other than the obvious?

I'm going to be fucking sick.

I can barely believe it. I want to write more, but I can barely think right now. My mind is all fogged over as though I just emerged from a dream. Is it typical to right things that are incredibly soppy and sound more like dreadful poetry than honest thoughts when things like this happen?

Is it normal to misspell write when one's mind is on other things? It must be.

All I can really say is... Inappropriate or not, she certainly wasn't upset.

So. Um. No relapse. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I have...no idea what this even means. Well, no. I know exactly what it means. I understand all the words and everything, but as far as what is implied... Nothing is implied, Peter. Don't be a moron. Don't think on it too much, don't read too much into it. My plans? What plans? I don't have any plans. At least, I don't think I have any plans. I care about her, definitely, but I know my place. I might not like it much. She's off limits. It's one of the few reasons I've actually been able to talk to her without making a fool of myself. Her father would kill me. I don't even know.

Guys? You remember that whole bit back in school where I wasn't good with dealing with girls? I think I'm going to end up having a relapse.

This situation is intensely more complicate than everyone is trying to make it out to be.

I'm going to put a dent in Sirius's jaw. Not abusive, my arse. I want to know what island of delusion he's been living on.

The states are starting to sound really appealing. Anyone know what Hawaii's like this time of year?

I am not going to write that fucking list out for a third time in one week. I refuse to. I'll update it with the attacks next time something happens, but I'm not going to write it out again. I don't want to have to stare at it one right after another.

I'm tired. Why am I tired when nothing has even happened to me or my family? I wish there was something that I could do for Marlene, but I'm not a miracle worker. And no one can bring someone back from the dead. And that's about the only thing that will help her right about now. I hate feeling useless.

I need to talk to Mum. She's got to be worried with everything that's going on. I know Dad tries not to tell her things, but she isn't an idiot. She'll know.

I think I'm going to go to my parents' for a few days.

First Benjy and now both of the Prewetts. Oddly, I just feel numb. I would think that I would be more upset right now, but I know that I can't allow myself to be broken up because that would draw too many questions. I didn't know any of them well. And in all honesty, I was expecting it. Perhaps not Benjy. No. He never did anything to draw attention to himself, but the Prewetts... It was only a matter of time after what happened.

God, I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like it's normal that three people just died. I don't want this to be normal. I don't want this to be our reality. But it doesn't matter what I want, does it? It never It doesn't matter what any of us want because we're not part of their cause. We're part of the problem and thus, need to be eliminated. I swear to God, they're not going to get me. They're not going to. I won't allow it.

Agnes is recovering. I wasn't sure whether anyone had bothered to mention anything to you or not, so I figured... Well, yeah. She's recovering. Slowly. It was Azkaban, after all. But there doesn't seem to be any lasting damage.

There's...too much. I can't think. Later. I'm going to be sick.

Damocles Belby
Sirius Black
Edgar Bones
Caradoc Dearborn
Dedalus Diggle
Elphias Doge
Aberforth Dumbledore √
Albus Dumbledore
Benjy Fenwick
Mundungus Fletcher
Alice Longbottom
Frank Longbottom
Remus Lupin √
Mary MacDonald √ X
Meaghan McCormack √√
Marlene McKinnon √√√√
Dorcas Meadowes √
Alastor Moody √
Agnes O'Hare √√
Peter Pettigrew
Sturgis Podmore
James Potter
Lily Potter √
Fabian Prewett
Gideon Prewett
Andromeda Tonks
Ted Tonks √√
Emmeline Vance

Is it all right if I come over? The flat is so empty. I should get a pet. Or maybe I should just give it all up and move in with you lot like you've been prodding. I don't think I want to be alone right now.

And another one bites the dust. It's either laugh or cry. I don't care if it's crass. I'd rather laugh.

Damocles Belby
Sirius Black
Edgar Bones
Caradoc Dearborn
Dedalus Diggle
Elphias Doge
Aberforth Dumbledore √
Albus Dumbledore
Benjy Fenwick
Mundungus Fletcher
Alice Longbottom
Frank Longbottom
Remus Lupin √
Mary MacDonald √
Meaghan McCormack √√
Marlene McKinnon √√√√
Dorcas Meadowes √
Alastor Moody √
Agnes O'Hare √√
Peter Pettigrew
Sturgis Podmore
James Potter
Lily Potter √
Fabian Prewett
Gideon Prewett
Andromeda Tonks
Ted Tonks √√
Emmeline Vance

Thank god for small miracles. I got an owl from Crook. Seems like things are piling up at the office, and he said, in not so many words, that I obviously did more than he realized and that he wanted me back in first thing tomorrow morning. So! Thankfully, I'm not going to become a homeless bum.

Other Targets

Alice Longbottom - death of a fellow DE
Frank Longbottom - death of a fellow DE
Mary MacDonald - for being an annoyance
Alastor Moody - death of a fellow DE

Who does that even leave?