Peter "so fucking done" Pettigrew

The states are starting to sound really appealing. Anyone know what Hawaii's like this time of year?

[PRIVATE]

I am not going to write that fucking list out for a third time in one week. I refuse to. I'll update it with the attacks next time something happens, but I'm not going to write it out again. I don't want to have to stare at it one right after another.

I'm tired. Why am I tired when nothing has even happened to me or my family? I wish there was something that I could do for Marlene, but I'm not a miracle worker. And no one can bring someone back from the dead. And that's about the only thing that will help her right about now. I hate feeling useless.

I need to talk to Mum. She's got to be worried with everything that's going on. I know Dad tries not to tell her things, but she isn't an idiot. She'll know.

[PRIVATE TO MARAUDERS & LILY]

I think I'm going to go to my parents' for a few days.

[MARAUDERS, LILY, MARLENE, & AGNES]

Is it all right if I come over? The flat is so empty. I should get a pet. Or maybe I should just give it all up and move in with you lot like you've been prodding. I don't think I want to be alone right now.

[PRIVATE TO MARAUDERS, LILY, & MARLENE]

Thank god for small miracles. I got an owl from Crook. Seems like things are piling up at the office, and he said, in not so many words, that I obviously did more than he realized and that he wanted me back in first thing tomorrow morning. So! Thankfully, I'm not going to become a homeless bum.

[PRIVATE TO MARAUDERS, LILY, MARLENE, & AGNES]

Um. I'm not sure whether I've been fired or suspended or if he's just really, really pissed off and will floo tomorrow when I don't show up even more pissed. Crook spotted my journal on my desk among the paperwork and accused me of slacking off. Told me to get my things together and leave if I was just going to waste his valuable time. It's never been a problem before. I've always had it open at work. The odd comment between files doesn't slow me down any. It was those fucking So. I don't know. You might be seeing a lot more of me from now on.

[PRIVATE TO EMMELINE]

Sorry. Boss caught me and started yelling. Wrote the first thing I could manage.

[PRIVATE]

Werewolves. Marlene was attacked by werewolves. I feel as though I should start up a clock to see just how long after he and Marlene are both conscious that Remus calls the whole thing off. All right. Maybe that's a little over cynical, but I just know that he's going to try and bring this all back on himself, that the only reason she was attacked was because she was with him and that if she wasn't, she'd be safe. It would be a lot easier if it worked like that, but we're all in danger just by being alive. We're in even more danger by being in the Order. And frankly, all of us are going to have to face a situation like this eventually. We're just lucky that she wasn't killed. I really have to wonder how long that luck is going to last. We already lost Edgar. How long until we lose someone else?

Things are getting more dangerous, and I think we're just getting less organized as they do. I can't help but feel like if we fought less over how things were going to be done, there would be less for us to fight about. Everyone has their own way that they want to conduct things, and instead of bickering about which is best, we should just...try and put them all together? The sum of the whole is greater than its part and rubbish like that. I don't know. Sometimes I think I only write these things down just to get the bulk of the thoughts out of my brain before it explodes from being too busy. God knows my mind was jumping all over the place when I was talking to Severus last week. I really hope it wasn't that noticeable that I was only about half there most of the time.

Speaking of Snape, making sure Agnes is safe has got to be another check in the 'Not a Death Eater' column. Greyback and his pack are probably working with the Death Eaters, after all, and why would anyone do something so like that if it would put them into a situation where they're pretty much assured that they're going to get punished for it? It doesn't make any sense. Oh, well. We'll get the information we need one way or the other eventually especially if we end up doing surveillance on him. I need to check with the guys on that one.

It will at least be getting something done even if it is rather irresponsible and would probably get us told off by the rest of the Order if they had any idea that we were doing it. Oh, well. We're starting training soon. Hopefully that will help all of us feel a bit more organized and productive as well as actually help those of us who do need the extra practice. Remus, Marlene, and I have what we're going to be going over sorted. And I think I'm probably going to duck into both of the other class sessions just to try and refine my skills. Well, if you can call them skills. Moody certainly helped, and I'm not about to blow things up at random when casting hexes. But they're still not great by any means. Somehow I doubt they'll ever get great, but at least I want to be able to protect myself if the need arises. Shielding charms can only do so much.

Why do these things always end up so long? I swear, I really can't have this much to think about all the time.

[PRIVATE TO THE MARAUDERS]

So. Snape. The sooner we start watching him the better? Figure out what he's playing at?

[MARAUDERS, LILY, AGNES, MARLENE, & DORCAS]

Someone tell me why we're even trying to teach that immature, self-centered, whiny little bitch.

[PRIVATE]

Another unnecessary death on top of the hundreds that were suffered earlier in the week. I'm starting to wonder when we'll reach the point that every issue of the Prophet will have a report on someone being murdered, when it will become the norm rather than the exception.

Looking at the scant details that have been provided, I'm expecting that we'll probably have business soon enough. There are far too many unanswered questions at the moment, and these are the Blacks we're talking about, after all. I highly doubt they'll take this lying down. I've already started fishing out the paperwork for a wrongful death lawsuit. Hopefully Crook will appreciate the initiative if we end up needing it. It's always best to be prepared so that you're not fumbling in front of a client.

[MARAUDERS]

I'm sick of all this death. Anyone feel like celebrating life?

[PRIVATE TO THE ORDER & SUPPORTERS]

Will you guys please stop? I know this is what happens when you try and pack a lot of opinionated people into one small space, but all of this in fighting isn't going to get us anywhere. There's no reason to let one person who has no real proof other than speculation to get us this worked up.

Is he a Death Eater or isn't he? What are his real motives? Is he trying to set us up? Are we in danger of being exposed because of him? And my personal favorite "Can we really trust the opinion of someone else in the Order?"

These questions are pointless because he has nothing. There's no laws against peaceable assembly at any time of the night. All he knows at the moment is that there was a group of us in Diagon Alley after hours. There's any number of stories that could be used to cover that.

So everyone, please, just calm down. The last thing we need to do is turn on each other and implode.

[PRIVATE TO MARAUDERS, MARLENE, & AGNES]

And all of the petty pranks and taunting of the enemy stops NOW. I care about you guys, and if you keep this up, eventually they'll have it dwindled down until they'll have no one left to go after but you. I know you have a hard time knowing when enough is enough, so if you don't think you can stop when you reach that point of no return, just don't start. Period.

[PRIVATE TO MARAUDERS, LILY, MARLENE, & AGNES]

When did my pushoverness get so bad that I'd leave the house in the middle of the night to fill out paperwork for someone I don't even like?

[PRIVATE TO THE ORDER]

If anyone needs me, I'm going to be staying with my parents in Birkenhead for awhile. Mum's a little jumpy after the attack, and she's convinced that if I stay in my own flat, I'm going to be blown up. I think she'd probably throttle me herself if she had any idea I was out in the middle of it. And then she'd probably blame James and Sirius for corrupting her poor sweet little boy.

[PRIVATE TO THE MARAUDERS]

If all of the battles we end up in are going to be that chaotic, we need some way to make sure that we can find each other if we need to especially if one of us ends up hurt enough that we need immediate assistance. What we need is some kind of signal that will alert the four of us without drawing attention from anyone else, something that we can carry with us like the dogtags.

[PRIVATE]

Part of me wants to follow Sirius's advice. With the way things are going, it's only a matter a time before each of us ends up losing a in that situation, and I really should go and make sure my parents are fully prepared. But I know that as much as Mum would appreciate the visit, Dad would end up peppering me with questions.

'Why are you telling me to do something like that for?' 'What do you know?' 'What did you get yourself into, boy?'

I can't lie to him worth shit, and this...this is the last thing he needs to know about. Even if it might make him proud of me for once. It's probably better that I just hope that Dad's paranoia has already ended in the house being warded. All I'd be able to do if I went over there would be to nag him to do it himself, anyway. God, I really need to pull out my old Defense texts and see if I can make myself less incompetent.

Maybe I'll call Mum first.

[PRIVATE TO THE MARAUDERS]

Anyone in the mood to go get plastered? I really need to stop thi

The ink stains have become part of my skin. I fear my hands are going to be permanently blue and black speckled. I haven't had to write so much since our NEWT examinations. But all of the cases are finally records, filed, and cataloged properly. No more working myself to death. I get my social life back at last. At least, what I had of one to begin with.

So. How is everyone?

[PRIVATE TO THE MARAUDERS]

I loathe papercuts. My hands are covered in them.